dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
