Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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