I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
