sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
