break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
