I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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