I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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