You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
D3 body, D1 cock
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
did i just pee glitter
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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