are you so shy because you have an std?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
