I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
