i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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