just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
