brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
