honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
