She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
