your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
