It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
