I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
