My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
