We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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