could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
