so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
