I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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