we're chasing vodka with high fives
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
