so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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