Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
