Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
