If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
