you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
