yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
