Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
