Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
