he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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