Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
