I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
