Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
