My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
