the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
