we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
