just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
