checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
