My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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