Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
