Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
