If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
