I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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