wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
