I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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