well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
