I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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