its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
